Do Andriods Dream Of Electric Sheep?
Hooray! I is Update! :D I now have stable intraweb so I can update as often as I like. I have seen so many things happen in such a short amout of time. I have a cousin, Christmas and New Years have passed, I have found someone that just holds my world in an indescribable embrace, and I honestly believe I am losing a friend to something I have dealt with myself. First things first:
My new cousin was born in Germany, and his name is Eric Patric Bell Jr. I have seen photographs of him in all of his beautiful splendor and I can't wait to see him myself. He looks so much like Eric it is as though I am seeing baby pictures of my uncle himself.
Second, I loved my holidays. Had about two weeks or so out of school and for that majority I spent it with my lovely and my parents. I got a bass, a kick-ass tee shirt and the new KoRn CD, two pairs of bondage pants :D, some jeans, and a card or two. I also have a pair of DVS that fit great and look awesome. New Years I went to Becca's and we hung out watching one of the most random musicals I have ever seen in the entirety of my existance. becca, Tif, and I were spent the entire night laughing at policemen with eyeliner and bloodgroove.
Which brings me to a point. I'm worried about Tiffany. I didn't want to think that her being depressed was the case, but I also like to lie to myself in the hopes that things will fall away on their own with time, however this method never works and I am well aware of it.
I suppose old habits die hard.
But she has had to withstand so much stress that it has brought her to her knees, but she is vigilantly silent and it is only making matters worse. I can see her falling apart; have been for a month at least and it hurts to see someone you care about just waste like that and you can't help. I've always felt as though the only time I can't help anyone is when they need it the most. Wylie, Kendra, Tiffany, Kayla, Cassidy, and even myself. So many people.... I refuse to just sit there and watch something like this happen. If it even means hurting her feelings, I'll do it. I just want her to see, I want her to talk to me; even if all she does is scream. I just want to get something out of her so she doesn't explode, and if she does, I'll be her catalyst. Just to relieve something and make her see that I'm not trying to push her away, to show her its not her fault for any of this. I want her to know that she can talk and for her to know that I'm ready for anything she can throw my way. I know how it is to feel like you're in a hole and you're pitifully helpless and on the outside there are people laughing when you cry and to feel like you're dying inside every time you look at your friends because you think they won't help you because they don't understand. It feels like being alone. Utterly and completely alone. I don't want her to go that far, because if she does, I'm afraid she might succeed where I failed. I want her to smile again, and be able to keep it.
Because its a great big white world
And we are drained of our colors
We used to love ourselves
we used to love one another
All my stitches itch
My prescriptions low, I wish you
Were Queen
Just for today
All my stitches itch
My prescriptions low, I wish you
Were Queen
Just for today
In a world that's so white what else could I say?
