You Took It Back, You Ripped My Heart Out Of Me
Then You Put It Back
I'm Pulling My Hair, I Let You Just A Million Times
I Love You Even Though It Isn't Fair
Around We Go, Around Again In Circles, Play This Game Over Again
There are many things I don't understand. I have the worst feelings in the pit of my stomach and my chest. I realize that soon enough I will be able to be where I want to be. It is just that I find myself fearing having nothing left when it comes to that time. I want to have my efforts rewarded and I look forward to it somewhere in the bottom of my heart, but right next to it is a darkness that grows more and more painful with every passing day. I honestly believe that I will have my time, but my optimism fades rather easily, and with good reason from bad experience. I really have no idea what to expect, just what I so badly want to believe.
Please let it be worth my time.
I just see... a difference. You could say certain changes terrify me. I know this one does. I just don't know what I see, or what I'm not seeing. There is just a certain detatchment that I sense and I fear it is the beginning of something's end; with me being involved. Its just a residual feeling that I can't seem to shake. What makes me even more uneasy is that these feelings and insecurities are usually proven true. God, I don't want any of it to be true. Just let it be my imagination, or me just losing touch. I hate being right. It is all that I could ask for is that I don't go back into the void that I keep edging towards. Please let time heal these self-inflicted wounds that reside in my consciousness. Please let me come to that point and be able to stop holding my breath, because I fear that if I hold it in any longer than what it takes to get there then I will just suffocate on my own insecurities and disappointments. I wish I could just let it go because I know that no matter the outcome I will still be bound to it, willingly or not.
'Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.'
I want to be able to have something to be sure of instead of having to dream of it and dread it in my waking hours. Opening your eyes makes an extraordinary difference. I want to give up, because I have the feeling that it won't be worth it in the end, but my heart says it is worth anything just to be able to try. I hope so, because I have never put so much of myself into something like this. I just don't want to be destroyed. I'm so scared that that is what is going to happen... God, please help me.
-Shallow Hearts Are Those Pierced Easiest By A Vampire's Kiss-
Yours Maniacally.
