If You Let Me Go
Then I'll Walk Myself Into The Room, Yes I Will.
Then I'll Lay Right Down And Daydream Of You, Yes I Will.
With A Soul Tell Smile I'll Blow A Kiss To You, Yes I Will.
Then I'll Lay Right Down And Daydream Of You.
I've had nothing but nightmares, and I am worn to my end. To tell the truth, I get the sporadic and repetitive feeling, as though everything will simply destroy itself. As much as I hate it, I don't trust myself, I don't trust circumstance, I don't trust anyone to stay for me...
I don't understand why I get this way sometimes, but I do understand that it is when I am at my worst. I look at things from the worst possible perspective, in turn tying myself into ill mental knots and wearing myself down to this extremity.
And I cry.
I cry because I know he is there, I know that he told me he would never leave. I even saw him in my sleep after my most recent nightmare and he was the one to console me. It amazed me.
I cry because I am still afraid.
And in truth, this all may just be the irrational fear that I get from this time of year because it is so close to that memory. It is the simple and terrifying feeling of encroaching loss, and there is nothing you can do to stop it; you can only watch as inevitability smiles at you lazily, then yawns and devours everything you know or believe in. It is everything I felt before it all happened then, and it resides with me now and tears away at any securities I have. I have yet to experience this time again after that event, and so I do not quite know how to handle it.
It all just seems too familiar. More so than I would ever want it to feel.
Now I have even more reason to want the days to pass more swiftly.
I despise the fear.
-Yours Maniacally-
