You Could Have It All
My Empire Of Dirt
Well I believe it is due time for a slightly more elaborate update, seeing as my past few entries consisted of little more than a few sentences.
Too bad I happen to come into this when I am not in the best of moods.
I'm just a little more than pissed.
Tiffany has established a writing system between herself, Becca, and Kayla. They each write notes to one another pretty frequently. I however, am never written to anymore. Tiffany actually has a notebook for Becca that she keeps just to archive the notes between each other, and she carries it with her, passing it to Becca so she can reply to the note she would have previously written in it and return it.
I actually happened to look through that little notebook in third period, just out of sheer curiosity. In all actuality, I expected to find what I did, because I had found it before in previous notes from last semester. I admit that what I read was depressing regardless. I knew that something was a bit off for a while now because neither of them bother to wait for me in the halls between classes like we used to, and we never really talk or hang out anymore even though I have three classes a day with Tiffany.
I saw things from Becca like, "I just get angry with AbZ sometimes because she's always talking about Ray, and she lies when she says that she doesn't get to ever see him. She should be glad she at least gets to talk to him." Yeah, I know I may talk about that a good deal, but I believe that it is human nature to discuss the things that people may find for themselves important or valuable. I have nothing else to discuss on my own accord anyway, because it is the only worthwhile thing that I am involved with, seeing as I never get invited to spend time with them or even talk with them much when I see either of them at school. Not to mention, she says this in complaint about me, yet I found that in EVERY page of her writing she mentions something about either getting to spend time with Caleb, or missing him, or wanting to date him.
I don't think I need to press that point any further.
Tiffany seems to agree with her, and makes remarks about how whenever I try to talk to her about things, she just doesn't listen anymore. She asked me in fourth period why I wasn't talking, and what was wrong. I had simply decided that I wouldn't talk to her about anything that I found enjoyable, seeing as she didn't care to even listen anymore.
I would have to say that the thing that upsets me and pisses me off the most is not the fact that they feel this way. People can feel and think as they please, whether you like them to or not. The thing that irritates me is the fact that they have been pushing me away and ignoring me without giving me the reason as to why. It's what they say about a dog; It pees on the floor, and instead of yelling and saying, "BAD DOG!" and showing it that it is bad, you simply clean it up without a word and seethe over it later. One day the dog accidentally does it again, and tired of it, you beat the hell out of it and scream at it and take it to the pound. The dog doesn't know what it did wrong, because you never told it that it was bad to piss on the floor. All the dog knows is that the owner that it loved and trusted just whaled on it for no knowledgeable reason.
I feel that, until now, I was the dog. I've been getting pushed away and resented for reason I previously didn't know about, and now that I do know, I find it sad.
To add to my irritation, my computer time has now been limited to only two hours. Dad also made it a point to mention that if I were to get called to do something within the duration of my computer time, then it is time expended. Not only am I losing my friends over stupidity, I am now on a chokehold as far as how much I do get to talk to the ones that I have managed to refrain from irritating.
I'm just glad that I do have what little bit I have managed to retain. Ray, Kayla to talk to during the hours of school and the days that I can't see him, Opium, and what little time I am allowed to converse with them.
But I do think that I can take the time out to bitch once in a while.
-Yours Maniacally.-
