Do You Serve A Purpose?
Do You?
It is time again to make another update.
I have been a few places and seen a few things for the past couple of weeks. The first week I stayed with Raymond. The second week, up until yesterday, I was in Florida.
First things first.
The first week was the most enamoring experience I have ever had. The freedom and the closeness that I had in that single week is something that I can never begin to describe fully, and will always remember. I was able to share my time with him as I wanted to, and I got to fall asleep next to the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart each night. It now feels as though there is an enormous void and a residual feeling of loss each time I go to sleep alone. I also got to spend some time with his family, and I managed to get to know each of them a little better. I am utterly comfortable with his parents. I enjoy the conversations and jokes with his mom, and the quiet intelligence of his dad. His sisters are easy to talk to, and I don't feel awkward around them as though I have to say or do certain things for them to approve. I felt at home for that week, more so than I do in my own house at times.
And so I proceed to the past five days that followed the departure from his house.
Before school ended, I had a friend invite me to go to Florida on a visit to Disney and Sea World for her birthday. I agreed, and so the set date to leave was the day I left Raymond's house. I went simply for the fact that it was an engagement that I had already made, and it was rude to waste her family's money and to disappoint my friend.
Regardless, I didn't want to leave. I did, and I regret it.
The night before I left, I cried. I couldn't help it, but I was at least able to wait until the lights were out so it wasn't so obvious. It has been longer than I can remember since I have felt like crying for leaving a place, and even longer since I actually have. I sat in stifled silence, with the exception of Raymond's air conditioner, with tears streaming nonstop onto my lap. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but stare at his clock while precious minutes slipped away, and think of how stupid I was to be leaving that place. At two that morning, I curled up after not being able to focus on anything for more than seconds at a time, and went to sleep.
We woke up at five thirty that morning to get me to Unadilla within the ridiculous time span that Opium's grandmother had requested, and we brought Evan along with us. I felt guilty to have them waking so early for something that I was doing, not to mention the fact that I felt even worse because -despite their efforts- we didn't even depart until one that afternoon because Opium's gran had to pick up her medicine (Which she was supposed to pick up the day before).
We arrived in Florida at around six Sunday evening, found a hotel, went swimming for a while, and ate. Afterwards, I headed outside to make a call. His voice was all I could concentrate on, and my other senses took a back seat. I simply reveled in Raymond talking while my muscles unwound themselves and the pond in front me blurred into a glittering black mass and the crimson lights of the traffic even farther out began to blend with it. Afterwards I went to bed and had a fitful sleep.
Monday morning I was awakened at eight o' clock in preparation for Disney Land. I despised it. NEVER go to Disney Land. I spent the duration of that day wandering around aimlessly amongst a massive overflow of hyperactive children, bored parents, meandering grandparents, frolicking mannequins, and a few disgruntled teens other than ourselves. The only fortunate event was the fact that I did not have to endure this in the presence of Opium's grandma or her niece and cousin that happened to be on the trip with us because we had gone separate ways. Otherwise I believed I may have gotten arrested for assault. I say this not because I dislike the elderly or small children; I can endure them and sometimes enjoy their company, depending on who they are. I say this because Opium's gran is a rather irritable old woman, not to mention her intolerance of Opium's small hyperactive relatives really didn't improve her demeanor much at all. Opium and I went back to the hotel early and went for a swim. When we got back, her grandmother and the kids weren't to be back for another hour or so, so I made myself a warm bath. I had not been in there for more than fifteen minutes when Amber's grandmother bangs on the door saying, "Hurry up with your business and get out!" Funny, that, because I had believed for a brief moment that I would have some solace, plus I was also in the middle of a conversation with Ray. It was in the bath because I preferred to be at least a little secluded instead of having my conversation in front of an angry grandmother and a pair of nosy and irritatingly inquisitive children. I ended my call, got out and combed my hair. As Opium's grandmother got in the shower, I made a brief call to let him know I wasn't able to talk to him as I wanted to that night. Again, I didn't sleep very well that night.
Tuesday morning I woke up at eight with Amber, to find that her grandmother was gone. We got our things together and were prepared in time for the bus to Sea World as her grandmother had wanted us to be, but she still hadn't returned. We waited for several hours, and after having Lydia call the police to make sure Opium's grandma wasn't dead or in a wreck, she arrives back in a storm. She came in the door angry, saying that she had told Amber that she was going to a "breakfast", and that she never listened to a thing she said. Neither of us remembered her gran mentioning this breakfast. We all endured the rant (Rather gracefully and patiently, I might add. Opium and I were both ready to strangle the woman) and made our way to Sea World. Sea World, I admit, was quite more interesting than Disney. We again separated from Amber's relatives for the trip to my relief. There were animals that I had never seen up close before, and the Kraken. It was one of the most beastly roller coasters I have been on, and it was actually enjoyable. It would have been more so, however, if I had been able to share it with my Lovely. Aside from those small things, I was unable to become very enthused. Afterwards, we all gathered back at the SUV. On our way back to the hotel, we got wrapped around and ended up about forty miles away from where we were supposed to be, which made for a rather long and stressful night. When we finally returned, Opium and I swam for a brief amount of time before going back to the room. After bathing I went outside and made my call. I couldn't find very much to talk about with Ray, which made me feel a bit guilty, but I was glad that I got to hear from him again. I then went back to the room, and by eleven thirty, everyone but me was asleep. I didn't fall until three.
Again, the next morning we awoke at eight, ate breakfast and signed out of the hotel. We then headed to Jacksonville to meet more of Opium's relatives (None of this, by the way, was any of her choice). We stayed at a nicer hotel, while her niece left and stayed with Crissy (The relative) that night and we again went swimming before returning to the room to retire. Amber gave me her phone to use later that night. After everyone else had fallen asleep, I left the room as quietly as possible and went to the courtyard outside of the hotel to make my call. I talked to Raymond for a while before returning to the room, again being as quiet as possible. I don't remember when I fell asleep.
Thursday, we woke up early, signed out of the hotel and went to Crissy's house to pick up Haley (The niece). We had planned to go to the beaches that day before leaving, but Opium's grandmother had decided that she was too tired and wanted to go home. Crissy offered to let her sleep for a while and take us to the beaches while she rested. When we got there, the rule that we were not to go swimming was made, but changed almost as soon as we stepped onto the sand. Walt (The cousin) went into the water before anyone could see to stop him and soaked his shorts by jumping around in it. Seeing as Walt was already wet, Crissy said to go get our bathing suits and go swim. She left briefly to take her six month old son home, and when she returned, Amber's grandma had come with her and she was furious. We left at maybe two that afternoon and the trip back to her house lasted until about six or seven. Aaron came to pick me up, and he got there pretty quickly to my relief. I said goodbye to Amber, got in Aaron's car, and we went home. We happened to have company, but I didn't deal with them much because as soon as I came home, I cleaned my room and myself and went to Aaron's room to call Ray and let him know I was back in one piece. I went to bed as soon as I got off the phone. I was exhausted. I really don't think that I have ever been so relieved to see my own bed.
I now sit here, a day later, keyboard in my lap, congestion in my chest, and happier. My chest rattles when I breathe, and I can hardly hear because of the swelling in my sinuses and behind my ears, but dammit, I'm happier now that I was that entire trip. Tiffany randomly called me this afternoon to take her to see Daniel, and I did. Aaron drove us out, and he got to see a friend of his as well. I got to see Ray (However brief it may have been), and I am extremely happy. I am sad that I couldn't give him more time than I was able to because I felt that he was disappointed, but I was relieved to be able to see his face. I at least got that, because I may not get to see him until next weekend. Hopefully by then, though, I will be able to stay as I did before. I hope, I hope...
With that, I will end my entry. I believe that this is probably by far my longest entry ever deposited into this small section of cyberspace that I own. Not to mention, my left hand is insanely sore because I seemed to have broken the cyst in the back of my hand today, and it has swollen quite a bit and is hurting (I really need to get to a doctor to see about pulling the annoying little bastard out of my wrist). Here's to hoping that my sleep is as good as last night's.
I need it.
Yours Maniacally.
