Your Feelings
I Can't Help But Rape Them
I'm Sorry
I Don't Feel The Same
My Heart Inside
Is Constantly Hating
I'm Sorry
I Just Throw You Away
At first I cried.
And I still do.
But then I got angry.
I stayed that way for a little while, until I realized that it was just because I would rather scream than cry.
Then I found that, like when amongst the stars, no one can hear me scream anyway.
I still cry.
Even when there are the tiniest moments when I think I can be alone in silence for more than five minutes without being torn apart by my own thoughts.
That's when I do it the most.
I never thought that a song from you could tear at my heart with every singular note it produces.
My hair has been falling out.
There are times when I shake uncontrollably.
I can't eat.
The very thought, smell, or sight of food makes me wretch and often expel what little acid is in my stomach.
I often find that I am seeing things that aren't there.
I try sleep to avoid being coherent, but never find rest nor solace.
I am afraid that I may be slowly, gradually, killing myself.
Even knowing this, I can't seem to bring myself to stop.
I'm tired of fighting when the effort I make is useless.
I'm tired of running after something that is already too far gone.
I'm tired of feeling my lungs expand and crack as though there is a hollow every time I inhale.
I'm just...
Tired.
So very tired.
There is no reason, there is no worth. You have stepped away from me, and I can't feel your love anymore.
I love you still, with whatever remains.
For that, I apologize.
