You're A Stranger, So
What Do I Care?
Vanished Today,
Not The First Time I Hear
Yes, I will live.
There is no sense in mourning to death over something that does not mourn itself.
I will continue to walk, and maybe leave these things behind, along with the enormous piece he has taken with him.
I know it's gone, but apparently I can live without it. I just feel and incredible loss from time to time now. I guess it's just the price I have to pay. I knew nothing could stay perfect forever.
It makes me wonder what happened to the person that I fell in love with. The one who told me that he wouldn't walk away from me again. Not this person who is cutting me loose because of his desire to 'enjoy himself'. Because I am inadequate when it comes to his desire for company or sexual activity.
I do feel somewhat relieved now, however. Not only was I given closure, but the fact that he would let his greed overtake anything he may have felt has been the final push I have needed. I know that I shouldn't waste my time on a dead cause, and so I am leaving it alone.
I only wish these things hadn't happened so violently. The dream I had the night after he walked away of him having sex with a girl I didn't recognize was something I would have never wanted to see. The worst part of it, however, is that fact that I soon found out who she was because I found her face staring back at me from his number one, with the name "Kat".
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a need for sleep at all. Maybe then I would stop seeing these things. When it was my own future, it was a little easier to handle.
I sometimes wonder if our paths will cross again, if there will be something significant between the two of us somewhere in the distant future. Sometimes I get the feeling that there will be, but only time will tell. I also get a strange feeling that he will be married by the time I come back from my services in the Air Force.
Again, only time will tell.
I only hope that he is satisfied with his decisions.
I still have my own to make, but I am already headed in that direction. I know that I have so many things to take with me now, so many memories and things to hold close, and yet so many things that I have to leave behind.
Maybe someday I will be able to look back on all of this and smile. For now, I can only try.
You know you always have me to talk to when you need me.
I'm sure things may suck now.
But things will get better.
Loves, TifA