In This Exchange I Often Touch Myself
To Go Ahead And Let Those Dirty Words Pass Right Through Me
Just Passing Through
Not Stopping By
Not Saying Hi
Girl You Can't Kill A Liar
I sit back and think, and I wonder why I am so anxious to get out of my home, my town, and away from almost everything that happens to be surrounding me.
It all becomes so depressingly clear when I do so and begin to realize that it is because I have nearly nothing of what I started with. Then I remember that I came here with nothing, so I suppose I will be leaving with almost as much.
I do not mean to imply that there will not be people to miss. I only mean that they are not a part of this place as far as I am concerned, and there will not be half as many as I thought. Again, I am finding who my true friends are.
One has become a leech, one doesn't have a concern for me anymore, and the others... I suppose I never really knew them in the first place. I have a few that -although their presence is scarce- still care and try to understand the things I do and feel.
I will miss them when I am finally out of here.
However, they aren't enough to stifle my desire to remove myself from this place as soon as I possibly can. For that I'm sorry, but it is truth.
The only things I want to do is to get my work out of the way, publish a book, and get the hell out.
I only wish things were easier in the meantime, and that I could possibly get my shit together without falling apart when I go to pick up the last few scattered bits. I keep telling myself, "In due time, in due time..."
It just feels like any amount of time takes forever, crawling up my skin and down my throat like some parasite that I can't cough up. It itches, and I can't sit still. I've inadvertently been causing physical damage to myself as well, simply because I am letting my stress get the better of me.
So maybe it is possible that losing so many is a good thing.
It gives me time to concentrate on the more important things, and I already have all I could need, anyway.
Yours Maniacally.
So what you're saying is, there are people here you still love, but they don't serve as ties to keep you restrained to this shitville place, and you're just hoping you have enough strength to move without staying.
:] I want to get out of here, too, Abby- you inspire me to write blogs too xD