I Ate Your Horse
So little time.
So little money.
A lack of inspiration.
A loss of all things tangible.
And no real will to repair.
When some things feel so incredibly hopeless, I can't help but find myself curled into a corner and pushing away from everyone and everything.
I keep hold of one person, my anchor, my everything.
It seems that once I have what I have truly been looking for, everything else crumbles.
I know in my mind what I want, but there are times when one often loses focus of a true desire for what has been thrown violently in front of them.
From the things that I put up with on a daily basis, I find my only solace in one person, one day, one week.
In the meantime I sit and watch a wasteland.
I see all of the things I have ever built,
All of the people I have ever found company in,
And I see it decay.
I know that in the end it doesn't matter. What does is what has been learned or gained in some aspect of the experience and to continue to build because old things eventaully collapse.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Only one thing, one person, one motive, truly matters anymore.
I just can't help but find myself being entertained by the simple frivolties of watching my present annihilate itself as I walk towards my future.
There are those things that still bother me as far as my future and what I am making my way towards.
Fear of relapse.
The itch of another person's presence constantly at the back of my mind, even though it should be dead.
I notice that a lot of these things are me, but some are founded.
Regardless, the simple fact that I let them get to me, allow them to get under my skin...
It proves that I still need kerosene to pour over what has been festering for so long, or at least a flame to set it alight.
It proves that I still have some walking,
That I still have some growing to do
Before I can rid myself of this skin that itches me so.
its ok...
You've told me in your own little way that I'm there.
I do try to be there MORE than I can...
You did what you can and there's nothing more you can do cause she's just gonna be the way that she wants to be whether you do or say something about it or not.
you know that just as well as I do.
I've told people to talk to me about their problems and I'm open ears, even if I have my own ball of drama, I'm still there for people. And you know that I'm there for you.
Loves, TifA
Hmm.... Thanks for rubbing it in that i'm never there for you anymore.
I try to be there for you, and everyone... And it seems like as of late, no one thinks of the good things cause they're to surrounded by the bad things...
I try to be there but all anyone can ever think of is trying to solve someone else's problem or completely drowning themselves in their own despair.
I try to make my effort to make people feel better go noticed, but it seems I might as well not even try. Since it's not doing anything.
Sorry i'm not there for you enough.
Loves, TifA