Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeee...
It's been a bit of a clusterfuck for me today, my birthday. Enough of one that I think I have decided to start keeping a blog again. I suppose keeping a physical, paper diary would probably suit me as well, but the thought of possibly having an audience to witness my obscenities towards everything seems like it would be more satisfying.
You, you, you, and most of all, you; I hate you all.
Figured I should just say that before I get started again.
Things always seem to have a way of creeping back up on me when I least expect it. Actually, I can't say that. Some part of me has been expecting it. I've been having sensations in my sleep again. I would say dreams, but they're more of a visual thing; what I've been having are more like... subconscious fights with people from my past.
Regardless, things are difficult no matter how I try to describe them.
At the same time, due to my horrifically self-destructive nature, I want to watch. I know what you're planning; both of you. Honestly, fate does seem to carry with it a sick sense of humor because you are two of the only human beings I would ever wish upon one another. I can kind of understand how it's working the way it is, though; she's just like your little ghost you just couldn't seem to exorcise yourself from. I can see how you'd get suckered in so easily; the two of your are perfect for one another.
I would say it's a little like history repeating itself, but to even entertain that notion would be boring; I hope it's worse for you in the end than anything you've previously dealt with. For what you did to me, it would be the least to ask for.
I honestly don't understand why it still makes me as mad as it does just to come across your name. Even reading it is like chewing tinfoil. It must be because all you are is a big, sore reminder of my wasted time and stupidity for believing in someone who, in the end, was so selfish, worthless, and such a fucking hypocrite. So I suppose I'm kicking myself because I feel like I've made the same mistakes my mom did. At least I was smart enough to sever the line before there was ever a ring involved.
I hope you're getting in over your head, I really do.
