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"Changes Come; Keep Your Dignity. Take The High Road, Take It Like A Man."
Things have finally begun to fall into place. Now that I've made that statement, watch everything go to hell in a hatbag. Quick.
But to be honest, I'm okay with that because at least things seem nice now.
There has been so much change.
I decided against going into the military. Being jerked around for two years gave me enough time to shake myself into clarity and begin doing the things I was designed to do.
I got an apprenticeship for tattooing.
I got a call from my grendad a good while back, and he was angry that I hadn't kept in touch. Not only that, but he was even more upset with me that I'd all but given up on pursuing my art.
He's fading away to Alzheimer's, but he still has his moments of commanding lucidity: When I told him no after being asked if I'd drawn or painted any time in the distant past, he simply told me, "You need to stop that shit. You don't need to give up, and you shouldn't put that pencil down. Pick it up and get back to what you were doing. There's something in that; your art is going to be how you get out."
Something somewhere clicked, and so I'm following his advice.
I've started smoking again, and through that I've begun to find that it offers a sweet calm that I haven't experienced since I was too young to truly appreciate it. I like to go out on drives to places where I've established extensive memories at random hours of the morning to recall all of the moments that have gotten me to where I am now. I always bring Becca with me, and it just makes everything seem so complete. It's often the only time we really get to connect anymore between the hours when I'm not scattering to run some errand or work, but it's fulfilling beyond words.
Where I'm living now has a strange familiarity to it. I stay with a couple of guys I met only two months ago, and yet I already feel like a functioning part of a household. Friday and Hecate are with me, which is an enormous comfort in its own.
I know too well from experience that things do not always stay peaceful, but I have a feeling that for once, they're going in the direction they should be.
"You are probably the only person that I would be okay with murdering me. I feel that you would do me justice."
